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Saturday, January 9, 2010

Wakefield Daily Item Mock Newspaper -- Monday, July 13, 2009

Disclaimer: Most stories fictional. Intended only for purposes of pure (positive) flattery.

Wakefield Daily Item
Monday, July 20, 2009 copyright VII XX, MMIX

AT LAST!!!
Town rejoices as Nats win championship; police say celebrations controlled
-WAKEFIELD
-Police say celebrations for the Nats' first championship win in 21 years went well, with no arrests despite a large spontaneous party on the Lower Common which begun immediately after the Nats' 14-8 thumping of Brockton Sunday and continued well into the night; police dispersed the gatherings aro
und 12:30 a.m. after complaints from Main St. homes; additional crowds were dispersed at 1:15 and 1:45 a.m. until the Common was found largely empty by 2 a.m. Police say celebrations rivaled that of those on the Common after the Red Sox World Series win in 2004. Despite a few arrests over the weekend, the police could not reliably connect them in any way to the victory celebrations.


Nats championship game, which will immortalize hitters, can be attributed more to pitchers, analysts say

14-8 thumping driven by strong relief pitching
-A great championship game resulted in the Nats smushing cross-I-90 rivals Brockton 14-8. Analysts say it wasn't as much hitting but pitching that gave Wakefield the upper hand in a game the memorializes not ace pitchers like Robby Penton and "Kithy" Kyle Morton but rather slammers like Cody Richman and Stan Russell. J.J. Reding of Brockton brought out an explosive Brockton offense early. A double that caromed off the center-field wall brought in Peter Ryland and Danny Sacchionnia. Xavier Mossman cranked out a triple that just caromed off the tip of the glove of Cody Richman. A Mark Eirwich single brought Mossman in. Rian Lester of Wakefield hit a solo shot to righty in the bottom 1st. Reding brought out the big guns again in the top 3rd, a wraparound errored double bringing in Shausy and two consecutive homers by Jay Joyce and Sacchionnia. Brockton got out of a rundown out home plate as Pete Chays stole home successfully to up Brockton 7-1 by the middle 4th. But Wakefield would battle back. Cody Richman crushed one up to the International Space Station to bring in Johnny Rexford, scoring two runs. In the 5th, Stanley Russell hit a whizzing frozen rope to center and made a huge duststorm of a slide at 3rd just before the out, and then Peter Akolla did the same. Roy Menard, a great defensive player but "a clown at the plate," as he describes himself, made the wise decision belting a sac fly high enough to bring in Akolla. In the 6th, Robert Dwindell hit a booming double for Brockton and an error by Johnny Latman gave Brockton its final run. Mikey Mirrors and David Staucher clogged the bases in the 7th, and a crushing good-wood hit by Pete Jack just sailed over the fences by two inches to tie the game for Wakefield. In the 8th, Bobby Kescher of Brockton loaded the bases on three consecutive singles, and then hit Cody Richman in the ankle (rather hard, such that an on-the-spot med exam was ordered for Richman before he could continue play) to drive in a run. Kescher melted like the Wicked Witch of the West, walking Anoka and Akolla to drive in two more runs. Later in the inning, the bases cleared, and Gary Romano and Tony Danatoriana doubled to bring in a run, and then William Smithing singled to set-up a 2-run belter by, yes, you guessed it, Cody Richman. In the top 9th, Brockton hit two pop-outs and an easy 4-3 groundout, called thus by WCVE commentator Mike Rourke: "Russell... has only to toss it to Akolla, and, yep! It's that easy! It's that simple! The drought is over! Wakefield has won their first championship in 21 years!" Wakefield wraps up a 20-9 record in the regular season by sweeping the playoffs 3-0. Cody Richman, after a storied four-season career with the Nats 10-11, 11-12, 12-13, and 13-14 squads, wraps up his Little League career with 137 HRs. He comes out of 2009 with 47 of those 137. The next step for all members of the Nats 13-14 squad, of course, will be the Wakefield Warriors High School team, which scouters have already called Richman and Akolla "shoo-ins" for. Akolla has the second most L.L. career homers of anyone on the squad, finishing just behind Richman with 133 HRs (40 this year).



THE ITEM EXTENDS CONGRATS TO THE NATS ON FINALLY BREAKING THE CHAMPIONSHIP DROUGHT!!!!


Hull not persuasive to clerk
Clerk tells Hull to "bug herself"
-CAMBRIDGE
-"Ah, go bug yourself."

"But, sir, Lehrer and Pittman, they must be--"

"Oh, go ruin someone else's day. No one's going to take your side anyway, Hull."


Those just some of the disparaging comments that left the mouth of County Clerk Sean Shawset and penetrated the eardrum of Phyllis Hull Friday.


While most agree with Shawset's sentiments: that Hull should go mind her own business; some thought that Shawset's words were a bit TOO harsh. "He could have approached the situation with a more professional attitude," said one Wakefieldian. "Hull needs to get to get it together, but if Shawset has an outburst like that, it'll only set off more tirade fireworks," said another. As of the most recent reports, Shawset is refusing to respond when pressed for an apology by Hull's 2010 MS County Board Campaign.


Another busy weekend for police includes several vehicular incidents

-WAKEFIELD
-
Police are investigating a possible assualt suspect after an arrest late Friday night. At 11:43 p.m., police were dispatched to an altercation on Spruce Street. A man swinging at a group there was found mentally incapacitated. A search of the man's name turned up results that may suggest warrants for similar incidents in Delaware and Connecticut. The matter will be investigated.


  • At 4:22 p.m., Patrick Stevenson, 34, of 457 Main Street, and Paula Lowell, 35, of 112 Lowell Street, collided at the Junction.
  • At 6:50 p.m., youths were reported as entering the woods near Harrison Court. The youths were sent on their way.
  • At 7:59 p.m. and 8:06 p.m., two calls came regarding a tree that had fallen partway into the street on Hickory Road.
  • At 10:11 p.m., youths playing baseball in the middle of Ruby Street were sent on their way after an automobilist reported he had nearly struck one of the youths there.
  • At 11:56 p.m., police cited a youth for loitering at the Junction since 9 p.m. When police left the scene, the youth was not leaving; another check of the area 10 minutes later revealed he was still there; another check around 12:45 a.m. revealed the youth was still there. The youth was given another citation; by a 1:05 a.m. check, the youth had left the area.
On Saturday:

  • At 7:50 a.m., a Vernon St. resident complained of incessantly barking dogs.
  • Found a boom box thieved on High Road by an unidentified individual between the hours of 9:25 and 9:37 a.m.
  • At 12:45 p.m., police responded to a false alarms call (carbon monoxide) at a Main St. office building.
  • At 3:16 p.m., police assisted an ambulance with an emergency run after a severe five-car crash in Northern Melrose. Melrose police also arrived on the scene.
  • At 4:40 p.m., police reported that a call from Summit Road concerning youths smashing the headlights of cars parked there was unfounded.
  • At 5:59 p.m., police received a call from an elderly woman on Swain Place claiming someone had stolen the necklace, valued $250, she had been wearing. Health aides had come in about an hour earlier for a biweekly checkup, she said, and thought that a nurse had taken the necklace when touching her neck. The woman was sitting on the necklace in question, it transpired.
  • At 11:58 p.m., the MBTA gates were reportedly stuck in the "down" position at Broadway.
Sunday and early Monday:

  • Power was out for about an hour on Kathy Ln. and Whittier Rd. when lightning struck an underground wire at 3:01 a.m. Power had returned to the area by 3:58 a.m. at the earliest.
  • Power was out for about twenty to thirty minutes on Teal Road when lightning struck an underground wire at 7:55 a.m. Power had returned by 8:22 a.m. at the earliest.
  • A Farm Street resident reported his back license plate stolen at 12:01 p.m.
  • Police forwarded to the fire legion a call about a dumpster fire on Audubon Road at 12:56 p.m.
  • Police stopped John Steesle, 26, of 15 Sunset Drive, on crossing marked lines in the vicinty of the Junction and found alcohol on his person. He was placed under arrest at 2:59 p.m.
  • Police placed a 19-year-old male into protective custody after a domestic disturbance on Salem Street at 6:50 p.m.
  • Rob Sweitza, 39, of 200 Prongerby Road, #3, Tewksbury, and Carol Ipswich, 59, of 162 Whitman Place, #16, Concord, Mass., collided at the intersection of Jessica Lane and Old Colony Dr. at 8:11 p.m.
  • Tony Fanzia, 40, of 55 Water Ave., Reading, and Suzanne Pinckney, 33, of 111 Sharon Rd., Sharon, collided at 9:23 p.m. at the Junction.
  • Loud teenagers on Lantern Ln. were sent on their way at 11:50 p.m.
  • Youths manhandling the playground equipment at 2:50 a.m. Monday morning at Moulton Playground were sent on their way.