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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Wakefield Daily Item Mock Newspaper -- Thursday, July 16, 2009

Most persons/stories fictional.

Phyllis Hull not fictional, her actions, however, are.

Deval Patrick is obviously not fictional, his actions/quotes, however, are.

NOTE: <--- means "from", ---> means "to."

Wakefield Daily Item
Thursday, July 16, 2009 copyright VII XVI, MMIX

Talks with Shawset unsuccessful; Hull to probe for new ideas
-WAKEFIELD
-Wakefieldians can rest easy as County Clerk Sean Shawset staved off the motivations of Essex Co. Clerk John Amana-Litzswood to vote for the dismissal of County Representatives <--- Wakefield Pete Lehrer and Ivan Pittman in the same manner in which he staved off Hull. "It just didn't work," said Amana-Litzswood, not quite knowing what else to say in regards to how easily and uniformly Shawset shut him down. "I just came into his office, sat down, opened my mouth for two seconds, and he said, in the most firm voice ever, 'No.' I didn't know how to throw that back at him. Shawset, he can get an impenetrable wall sometimes, and if he's not on your side and he's in that sort of mood, then you can pretty much forget about it."

Hull, as well, expressed disappointment. "If Amana-Litzswood couldn't get us to see eye to eye, nobody will be able to," she said.

Shawset exclaimed, "I don't care what those idiotic Conservs throw at me, I will NEVER listen to or be motivated by that unbelievably misguided Hull or her dim, gullible companion Amana-Litzswood."

WE ASKED LOCAL WAKEFIELDIANS!
Did Shawset handle staving off Amana-Litzswood the right way?
Yes 72%
No 28%



Patrick expresses excitement for visit
-WAKEFIELD
-
Gov. Deval Patrick (D) has expressed an intrigue to making his first formal visit to Wakefield Monday. "Wakefield is a great town," said Patrick, "plagued by conservative misuse of funding. I want to reassure all of its citizens, and citizens of towns with similar situations that I can make a change." Said Vagna Iltiforiini, the Wakefield Selectman coordinating the visit, "Mr. Patrick plans to visit us here at town hall at 9:00 a.m. and be a guest at one of our Directors' Meetings; then he plans to travel to the Pleasure Island site around noon, if all goes well, where he will dub Pleasure Island with the honor of being a State Landmark; then, to finish off, around 2:30 he will head back downtown to Galvin Middle School where he will give a speech to Wakefieldians that any and all can attend, followed by a Q & A session open to the public with the Governor." Patrick met yesterday with Abraham Silk of the Dept. of Recreation to plan out the visit. Patrick will also be visiting Stoneham come Monday evening.

OF MERRIMACK COLLEGE D.L., 3 ARE WHS GRADS. KENSLEY, RYAN, CLASS OF 2008, MARXENON, SUZY, AND PILLHAM, KENDRICK, BOTH CLASS OF 2007, FOR SPRING SEMESTER.

Citizen Editorial -- Wakefield needs to get it togther politically
-WAKEFIELD
-I write this in intention of bestowing an important message upon the citizens of Wakefield--we need to sort out our political differences NOW. The town is falling on hard times and it needs the ongoing support of its residents to keep its status noble and its future bright. While Democratic ideals now reign, Republican conservatives still exist in strong standing throughout the town.

Personally, I feel mutualized.


Wakefield faces political incongruencies involving its monetary funding. The Board of Selectmen control this with an iron grip, using the money in ways that our institutions are displeased with, yet they cannot seem to perform money management that amounts to any adequacy on their own. These institutions need outside help, but they need outside help that will be willing to:


1) lend a hand as much as possible
2) but also know when to back off and not be the boss
3) conform to the wishes of the company itself, and to mold these wishes such that they financially fit the best interests of the people of the town.

We also need great leadership help. Wakefield can be reliably termed "a town with no one to look up." We have no central leader, no motivational figure, not least one who can make smart, dependable decisions (Phyllis Hull, think of). Our Board of Selectmen is an unusual Dem-Rep half and half split that is constantly arguing over every aspect of how to handle the problems of the town. We will get nothing done with this group. It has some undoubtedly intelligent, good-natured souls, but every four weeks when this board gets together, they only yell at each other and blame the other side for the deep troubles of the town that they are forced to mull over.

We need to all come together and use our love of Wakefield as the motivator to solve these problems. We all need to make a strong bond if we wish to solve these problems and get our Wakefield back to the way it used to be, the way we're used to it, the way we like it. This bond we need to create: we need to be one town, one community, one Wakefield. We face a long, arduous, unhappy path down a highway of no return should we choose the other option.


Police have complaints of unusual currency throughout town; second intraplate earthquake in a month rams into Wakefield
-WAKEFIELD
-If you thought the earthquake Wakefield had a little over a week ago was something, you were mistaken if you felt the 3.8 magnitude jolt that rocked Wakefield yesterday morning at approximately 9:34 a.m. A 3.8 nutcracker centered itself in eastern Wakefield, and police had 7 calls from the Montrose area. Police in neighboring Lynnfield logged 11 calls about the quake; Melrose police logged 4 calls. A 3.3 aftershock centered slightly to the northwest hit at 9:44 a.m. Seismic activity in the area has been quiet since.

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The police received several calls yesterday morning and afternoon about various forms of foreign currency that had been abandoned on sidewalks or in the middle of roads. The incidents began at 9:50 a.m., when a 1st Street resident reported $10 worth of Japanese yen lying in the middle of the street. Then the calls came pouring in, particularly from the Greenwood area. A 3rd St. resident reported at 10:40 a.m. that he had used an online currency conversion program to value several Swedish bills at a U.S. worth of $84. A 1:25 p.m. call from Cooper Street reported $23 worth of Norwegian kronor; a 5:03 p.m. call from West Water Street reported $94 worth of Swiss francs; a 6:17 p.m. call from Oakledge Road reported $31 worth of Nigerian currency; a 7:18 p.m. call from Pitman Avenue reported $25 in Ugandan currency. In all, police logged six foreign currency calls (for purposes of comparison, the last six foreign currency calls before yesterday ranged in a period as far back as October 2007), and police are investigating the matter.

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Yesterday:

  • At 7:50 a.m., youths were sent away from Mapleway Playground.
  • At 9:44 a.m., a flatbed truck was reported in the middle of Laurel Street; police found the truck, which still had its engine running, to be abandoned when they arrived. The truck was heavy sufficient that two tow trucks were needed to pull the flatbed from the scene.
  • At 10:13 a.m., squirrels on Quannapowitt Parkway were "behaving unusually," as told by a resident. Police disregarded the call.
  • At 12:05 p.m., police, along with Melrose-Wakefield Hospital, declared both Wakefield H1N1 cases to be cured, or, more accurately, to habe subsided. A physical of the two who got the flu showed that they were in good condition.
  • At 2:11 p.m., police arrested Katherine Yallk, 30, of 110 Farm Street, on charges of dialing 911 and falsely reporting that an MBTA train had crashed.
  • At 4:40 p.m., a Pheasantwood Terrace resident reported youths were smashing the headlights of cars with glass bottles. The youths were gone when police arrived.
  • At 5:02 p.m., Rory Stoneham, 18, of 150 Forest Street, and John Moyer, 19, of 263 Main Street, collided at the Junction after Stoneham's 2003 Toyota backed into the front of Moyer's 2004 Chrysler, causing the Chrysler's rear end ro slam into a lamp post, where it fell down into some shrubbery and the glass on the lamp post shattered onto the street after the lamp post hit some brick that is part of an island there. A second collision happened as a result of the first, when Joshua Linfeld, 20, of 11 Felis Street, drove into a shard of glass from the lamp post at 5:09 p.m. Ken J. Phillips, 33, of 57 Green Street, slammed on his brakes when approaching Linfeld's 2002 Mitsubishi, which had a flat tire as a result of the glass shard. Linfeld, not knowing his tire was kaput, tried to move but was unable to. Phillips fender-bendered Linfeld. The force of the fender-bender, in turn, caused Linfeld to fender-bender Shirley Ameson, 155 White Avenue, Reading. Linfeld's 2002 Mitsubishi and Ameson's 2000 Toyota both suffered significant rear end damage. Phillips' 1996 Toyota suffered significant front end damage. Miraculously, no one was injured in either crash.
  • At 7:33 p.m., youths manhandling the playground equipment at the Yueuell School were sent on their way.
  • At 3:43 a.m. this morning, youths on the Common were sent on their way. Of five youths, one was cited for curfew violation. The Common had been vacated by 4:02 a.m.

Amerks 11s/12s face another tough loss
-WAKEFIELD
-The Amerks dropped the 2nd of their 6 round-robin games to Woburn at Clarendon Field in Woburn Wednesday. [Editor's Note: The game was originally scheduled to take place at McGuire-McCarthy Field but a sprinkler malfunction noticed this morning caused the site to be moved to Clarendon Field.] Starter Bobby Allan was still rattled from his abysmal performance Tuesday, and it showed. Allan gave up 4 runs in the 1st. A booming triple by Carl Braithwaite gave Woburn clearance for a big hitting run. Zacky Yilham smushed a belter to right field, then Willy Rigby singled to set up another 2-run homer for Woburn. Wakefield, for sake of their performance, DID battle back in a 2nd and 3rd inning rally. Ken Moss homered instantly in the top 2nd, and Kyle Jaynolly stole second base to set up a nutcracker of a home run by Pat Meyers. Woburn was scoreless in the bottom 2nd, with reliever Brad Bryan Kyston hurling three strikeouts in a row. Max Johnburgh and Ryan Milford both hit solo homers to give Wakefield a 5-4 edge, but Woburn's Billy Rangers grand-slammed in the 6th to put Woburn back on top by three. Marcus Kexly let three singles go by in the 7th to load the bases, and then walked twice, driving 2 runs in, until Kyston jogged back out to the mound to strike out the side and temporarily stop the bleeding for Wakefieldm but Kyston let a 3-run homer get by in the 8th. The Amerks face Winchester Friday in Winchester.

Team 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H
Wakefield 0 3 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 10
Woburn 4 0 0 0 0 4 2 3 X 13 17